Seeking More Direction

Guthrie Okla.
920W.Mansor Ave.
Sept. 7, 1943
Dear Carrie,
          With much pleasure and gladness I received your very welcomed and inspiring letter this evening.  We get mail twice each day.  (except Sun) I thought I might receive a letter from you in the morning mail, but I didn’t.  So that left me expecting stronger than ever one this evening.  I am glad my expectations weren’t in vain.
         Truly your letters are lots different from any I ever received from any other girl.  They are very helpful and encouraging to me.  One main way they are different, in that they seem to me written by one who is hid behind the cross, and by one who is letting Christ himself do the writing.  I also want to do the same.
         You know it is very easy for boys and girls to let self get in the way when they are writing to each other .  But I trust we won’t do that.  For there is much more peace, joy, and contentment when we let Christ lead in all things.
          I will tell you another main reason why your letters are so much different and that is be cause you are different from any other girl.  You letters reads just like your actions, which are very pleasant to me.
          I am still saved and happy in the Good Lord.  Truly I get much joy and satisfaction in serving God.  His holy will and ways are more precious to me each day of my life.  I know I can never thank him enough for all the blessings of life, especially salvation.  I am thankful that he saved my soul in my youth so that I can spend my life in his service.  I want to be all he would have me to be.
          I had ten thousand times rather spend my life living and working for God as to live in sin.  Even though I could have riches abundantly I had still rather have peace with God.  Truly all earthly riches are not to be compared of the fact of knowing God, which means the same as having God, and having Christ living and reigning in our souls.  Paul said he “counted all things but as loss so that he might win Christ.”
          I am glad that you had a nice time with your Mother and sister.  Yes I am sure you and your sister are pretty close Pals.  It reminds me of my brother (just older than I am) and myself.  We use to be pretty close pals, and are yet.  But I am sure it would be much better if he was saved which I hope to see him be some day.
          Yes Carrie I too think that people should be interested in the same thing before they took upon them selves of spending their life to gether.  I also think that we can tell more about things after that we are to gether a gain.
          I am sure thankful that you gave me a welcome to come up there.  I am sure I will enjoy seeing you a gain and talking with you.
          I don’t know just as yet when I will bet to com, but I probably won’t be so long.  I will try to let you know when I am coming.
          I am still working here in the Printing shop.  I don’t know how much longer I will be here.  I will Probably leave before the first of Oct. as Bro. Merrel W. from La. Will likely be here before the fist of next month.  He is planning on working here then.
         Carrie I am glad that you enjoyed having Bro. Strech Preach. ( I am sure I would too, but never have.)  I am also glad that you enjoy teaching the Junior Sun. School class.  I am sure you are a good teacher.
         Carrie I think we had a good teacher up at Langdon Mo.  If there was trouble it was probably because we had a hard lesson, and not be cause we didn’t have a good teacher.
         Well Carrie I am glad (very glad) to know that you care more about me than just a friend.  Although I am also sure it is best to leave our love some-what in the back-ground until we find out the will of the Lord on some other things.  Not that I don’t think that the Lord is still in our court-ship.  But that it would probably be easier for us to know the will of the Lord on other things.
          I still believe (even stronger than ever) that the Lord has led us in all of our steps that we have taken.  I felt that way even before I asked you about writing to you.  Although as I said before I don’t want to bind my feelings on you.  For I know God can make us both feel clear to take the steps that he wants us to take.
          It was real cool here last night and this morning.  It reminded me of the weather we had up at Langdon, Mo.  While I was reminded of that I was also reminded of that dear girl (Carrie) that I was with a few hours which I enjoyed so much.
          I can say that I feel sure that I would enjoy being with you again.  (even more than before)
          I am praying that God will continue to talk to both of us and reveal his will more and more on his leadings for us.
          I will tell you this, and that is that I really feel like I need some more sure leadings for my self concerning just exactly what God would have me do, before we were to marry.
          When I was back home (in Ala.) the Lord seems to make it plain to me that he wanted me to come back out there to work for him, Both spiritually and temporally.  My job that I had then was in a cotton-mill five days per week.  I had Sat. and Sun. off to do what ever God wanted to do.
          It also seemed to be plain that it was God’s will for me to marry and have a home there in B’ham, Ala. As I felt burden for the work of the Lord there, and had hopes of God raising a congregation up there.  You see I was looking forward for God to send some more saint Ministers in there to work for him.  There isn’t any saints there, so I thought if I had a home there I would have a chance to work for God in doing what ever and all he led me to do and it would also give other Ministers a chance to come in there and work as the Lord led them.
I was writing to Ida May Smith then , and naturally I just felt pretty sure that she would be the one that the Lord would give me.  Although I found out different when we got to gether a gain.
All of this seems very plain and real before I left Ala.  I believed it was God’s will with out a doubt.  I still earnestly believe that God will lead and is leading that way, but here is what I have been trying to get to.  And that is (even though those leadings seemed very plain and from God that I want a refreshed leading concerning the matter Before I go (Lord willing.)
This has been quite a trial of faith with me, But I guess the Lord knows best.  What I mean is how that he made it so plain that he wanted me out there and then he took me up and set me down out here and let me stay here until now with out telling me just when he would send me back.  But I am still trusting in God with all my heart and believing that he will work all things out for our good and his glory.  I have often reminded the Lord of how he witnessed to me about going out there.
It would seem good to me (a blessing that I am unworthy of) that the Lord would give you for my wife and companion to go out there and work for him.  Truly I would feel greatly blessed.
I will continue to pray for God to lead us in every step that he would have us take.
If you can’t get some new pictures made pretty early, you may send me one of the ones that you already have and then feel assured that I will appreciate it very much.
Well I had better say goodnight and good by for this time as it is after one o’clock A.M.
T.V. McMillian

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