Waiting on the Lord for Direction

Guthrie Okla.
920 W. Mansur Ave.
Sept. 15, 1943
Dear Carrie,
Greetings in the precious name of Jesus Christ, our blessed Lord.
This finds me still saved and sanctified and all on the alter for God.  Truly I am encouraged to live closer to God each day of my life.  His holy will and ways become more precious to me each day of my life.  I can say like the “apostle John” that his commandments are not grievous although we find when we do them that we have trials and test, yet they still aren’t grievous to our hearts.  They are probably grievous to our fleshly man, but not to our hearts. (I am glad the good Lord gives us power over the flesh.)
With gladness I receive another letter from my only girl friend last Tue.  I was sure glad to get it.
It seems like Tue. is a happy day with me.  Do you see my point?  I received three letters from you and they all came on Tue.
I usually begin to kindly look for a letter from you from the day that I think you have had time to answer.  Then I keep looking until Tue.  When Tue. comes around, I think, well I will be sure to get one to day because she (Carrie) has had the week end to write.  However from what you say in your letters about your company on the week ends I may have been thinking wrong.  But any way I haven’t failed to get an answer yet, for which I am thankful.  I can still truthfully say that your letters are a real heavenly pleasure to me.  They are very helpful and encouraging.
One thing you had in your letter that was helpful to me was what you said about just waiting on the Lord.  Truly I needed that.
I am thankful indeed for the many precious lessons that the Good Lord has been, and is, teaching me.  I am glad that he thinks enough of me to let me go through these little trials and test.  I was just thinking to day how good the Lord was to us and what a wonderful salvation that he has given us.  Then I thought for sure that I wanted to be that I make it into heaven that I might live with God and the pure for ever.  I know if we do stand true until the end, that we will have to let God have his way with us which often times brings about some severe trials and test.  But even at that I still mean to serve God all my days by his help.  I have found too great a treasure to turn back.  Well after some prayer and waiting upon the Lord, I am still waiting upon him to direct my steps concerning leaving here and going to Ala.
Just after I wrote you the last time I began to feel sure that the Lord was about ready for me to go back.  So I began to more or less plan to go.  I was intending to leave here some time this week.  I was thinking pretty strong about leaving Wed.  But as time moved on and wed. drawing near I failed to feel clear to go.  I will tell you what the main reasons was that kept me from going.
You see I had wrote you and asked you about coming up there before I went back to Ala. (Don’t misunderstand me I was planning to come up there, had I left this week) But as I continued to pray and wait upon the Lord about the matter, I began to realize that I didn’t have a clearness in my soul concerning me coming by up there.  (I mean I didn’t have a clearness to come right now.  I was also lacking in temporal needs.  I was counting on the Lord giving me the clearness in my soul concerning coming up there, and supplying my temp need.  But as the time drew near which I had planned to go I failed to have the clearness in my soul and also the temporal need.  When this happened I was pretty much perplexed in knowing what to do.  I couldn’t come by up there under the foregoing circumstance, and neither could I feel right (by a lot) to go on to Ala. With out coming by to see you.  For I remembered how sure I felt that I was in the will of the Lord when I was with you and how that I felt the Lord had made so many other things plain to me concerning you and I.  Thus naturally under these conditions the didn’t seem to be much that I could do except just wait on the Lord.  But I really didn’t settle down until I had let my mind get still (resisted the Devil).  Then after I did that the Lord made me feel good to just commit it unto him, which I did.  This was Tue. The same day I received your letter.  I guess you can see why I said I needed what you wrote in your letter about being still and waiting upon the Lord.  I mean by God’s grace and help to do just that.
Carrie I hope you don’t get bothered with me and my ways.  I guess you probably know about how I feel.
Carrie I still feel the same way concerning you and in uniting in holy matrimony as I did when I wrote you the first letter.    I fasted and prayed about the matter (before we were together the last night of the meeting) and the Lord just seemed to make it very plain to me that it was his will.  Then after I came home and started to write you I thought well what will I write.  Really what was on my heart is just exactly what I wrote you.  But I hesitated before I would write it because we hadn’t been going together but a very little while.  But when I was thinking of not writing what I did, then I didn’t seem to have anything much to write.  So I just decided to for-get the shortness of our being together and just write what I thought was the truth.  I know that was a big step to take so quick, but yet I felt I was doing the right thing.
Carrie don’t get me wrong, I don’t expect you to just make a quick decision about this matter without me being able to tell you some things.  I realize that I should be able to know and to tell you lots more of what to expect of the early part of our life together before I could expect you to be willing to say yes to my question.  Although I felt it was all right for me to put the question before you so you could be praying about it and considering it.
Do you feel any more leading than you did concerning the matter?  Or is this question coming too soon?  If it is just skip it.
As you already know from what I have done said, I really don’t have real definite leadings sufficient enough to enable me to tell you much more then I have done told you.
I know as we look to God and wait upon him he will lead us in due time and he will do all things well.  Then we will be happy because we will know that he is with us.
Carrie you didn’t say anything about you picture in the last letter.  I thought you might have forgotten about it or I thought perhaps you thought I would probably be up there with in a few days and you would just wait and give it to me then.  But what I want to say is that I would like for you to send it on as soon as you can as I don’t know just when I will get up there.
I will be earnestly praying for God to make his will more plainer to me concerning coming up there and other things too.  Some people might think it strange to pray about a matter like that, but I have found that if we want God to go with us and up hold us that we have to be sure to go in his leadings.
Carrie you said that you was sorry you didn’t get my letter off any sooner than you did. Well I guess I just appreciate them more when I have to wait a little while.  I hope you don’t think that I am to long with mine this time.
I guess you will miss Anna pretty much as that don’t leave many young people there, but as you said I am sure the older saints are good to you so I know the saint there and the Lord will keep you encouraged.
Well it is getting late at night so I guess I had better say good by for the time to the girl that I think lots of and to the one that has helped to brighten my path-way.
With Christian love
T. V. McMillian.

P.S. I thank you for praying for me.  Please continue to do so.  I am praying for you.  (Mc)

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